Our live has been wildly interesting. In fact I can't imagine having had a life that stayed static. I grew up in one town and knew everyone and everyone knew me, well actually everyone knew my dad and my brother, the athletes. However, everything filters down and by default Karen and I were well known too. It was a totally safe feeling; we knew exactly where we belonged in the hierarchy of the town.
Life changes though and people marry, have kids, move on. I now feel a bit like a porcelain statue....with bits of my nose, my toes, my skirt missing. Coming to Arizona for a few days has allowed all the missing bits of the statue to be replaced and it feels wonderful. As weird as this sounds I think I can explain it.
When I was a child I was the entire statue, everything about it was pristine. I married and had two children and the statue was still intact. Once I got divorced the statue was marred, a small piee of toe, say, fell off. People I met didn't know the other me. I was the single mom with two kids and a shadowy ex husband somewhere in the past. Then I remarried and another little piece of the statue was knocked off as people assumed that what they saw was the reality of my life. I'm fine with this as the reality of my life was great it just wasn't exactly who I was. Once Abe and I moved to Arizona things really started to change. I think a huge chunk of my skirt fell off because people saw the five of us as a family with no shadowy past behind me. This was great in that no one judged our family....Jon had the height and hair of Abe so we were regarded as a normal family, no ugly divorce history. Once we moved to Texas that changed. We were seen as a family of three. This is painful to a mom; you want everyone to know that there are two more additions to the family. Yes, people were were informed that there were two other vibrant, intelligent, fabulously marvellous members of our family but they were more ghostlike. A few lucky people got to meet Jon and David and even Kim and that helped but basically we were a family of three.
Now my statue has developed a large crack down the centre. People meet me at the store in Telluride but assume I'm one more single woman who has lost a husband, suffered a divorce, never had children. It makes me want to scream. It is for this reason that almost every customer coming in suddenly gets a big long monologue about my husband, kids, where they are, why I'm in town, why I can' afford to have any more parts of me disappear into thin air.
When Abe suggested joining him for three days in Arizona while he mountain biked, I wasn't sure I needed to come. I was so wrong. It isn't roots that make me feel entirely whole again it is deep friendships that I formed while living in different communities. Without deep friendship full of honesty I would have no strong connections, aka roots. I did develop those. Coming here has been like a major tonic. I sat for four hours with Peg Gavillot yesterday and felt all my little porcelain bits flying through the air and adhering to my statue once again. How was David? Are Jon and Kim married yet? Remember when David crashed the car? Is your ex still with Deborah, how are their children? Is your dad still karaoke king? got his girlfriend? partying all hours of the night?
I think I did the same for her. I KNOW her story, her life, her sad bits and her happy memories. I completely understand why her children are the world adventurers that they are. I can ask about her dog, her dog Diva that we hiked with for several years through the desert, she remembers Boris. It was like drinking a tonic and feeling healthier afterwards.
I may not have roots but I have something better. I had a wonderful life of travel and living in places completely different from anything I was used to AND I have deep solid friendships that can carry me through the hard times. Something bad happens and I can call someone who knows the real me, the real us, the face of the child who may be having a hard time, the laughter of the kid who is enjoying his new life so much that he just doesn't want to come home. We all need people who make us feel whole again and I found mine.
My adventure today will be to hang with my trainer who knew me when I didn't know what a free weight was, and who remembers me telling him, I want to learn how to do a real push up, but please don't make me do 100.....I know you. He will laughingly remember that he made me do 101 in that session before he let me get up. Maybe I don't need to visit him at all......god knows what memory he will create today.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Drinking wine and packing -- always a bad idea!
The suitcases are out. The dog is gone. In fact the dog is so gone that the boarding kennel called to let us know that Casey is happy as a clam. She found a bunch of other dogs to hang out with in the sun and they suntanned all day. THIRTY dogs are going to descend en masse this weekend since it is about to be Spring Break in Telluride. The only problem Lane has had with Casey is that Casey keeps hopping up on Lane's bed to go to sleep... ha ha....spoiled dog. Lane said it would be fine if it didn't make all the other dogs want to get up also.....the picture is funny in my head. Casey hops up, other dogs hop up, Lane tells them to get down, Casey hops up and so on....hopefully tonight will be better! Speaking of dogs on beds, Abe's feet and mine were cold sans dog. Who knew.
I'd have tons of room in my luggage if I wasn't bringing hundreds of items for Benjamin. He needs American toothpaste, deodorant, good shirts, new shoes, sunglasses, belt, shorts. Oh right, and then he adds...but I'll only have a carry on to put it all in so don't go crazy. What....a carry on? I've stuffed a second suitcase with his stuff for Israel and the summer in Spain.
We are ready to go. The luggage is packed. My foot has been lasered about four times to cure my foot pain. I've had FIVE private Ashtanga yoga lessons to get back up to speed. I have even stood on my head four times in the past three days. The first time the pain in my chest was so severe that as I rested in child's pose I was convinced I was having a heart attack. However, obviously not. I'm still here. I've loved every second of time with Erin and Gary though. You certainly feel like a little spoiled child having someone privately help you into every position. Of course you still aren't doing any of them correctly, but if you can file away a few touch sensations you have a little more hope of doing it with a modicum of acceptability when you are in a class.
I have promised Gary and Erin that I will email them the moment I go to a class in France. This makes it an event that I have to undertake. I'm terrified that the teachers will be really mean. Why do I think this? It would make it easier not to go to class ever. However, I've promised.
Off we head to Arizona for Abe to get in some mountain biking. And to be honest, the thought of warm sun and a pool at a nice hotel....I'm really in the mood for that. Looking forward to being with Peg for a long hike and Jim for a good workout. Three days of sun tanning and off to Paris we go.
I'd have tons of room in my luggage if I wasn't bringing hundreds of items for Benjamin. He needs American toothpaste, deodorant, good shirts, new shoes, sunglasses, belt, shorts. Oh right, and then he adds...but I'll only have a carry on to put it all in so don't go crazy. What....a carry on? I've stuffed a second suitcase with his stuff for Israel and the summer in Spain.
We are ready to go. The luggage is packed. My foot has been lasered about four times to cure my foot pain. I've had FIVE private Ashtanga yoga lessons to get back up to speed. I have even stood on my head four times in the past three days. The first time the pain in my chest was so severe that as I rested in child's pose I was convinced I was having a heart attack. However, obviously not. I'm still here. I've loved every second of time with Erin and Gary though. You certainly feel like a little spoiled child having someone privately help you into every position. Of course you still aren't doing any of them correctly, but if you can file away a few touch sensations you have a little more hope of doing it with a modicum of acceptability when you are in a class.
I have promised Gary and Erin that I will email them the moment I go to a class in France. This makes it an event that I have to undertake. I'm terrified that the teachers will be really mean. Why do I think this? It would make it easier not to go to class ever. However, I've promised.
Off we head to Arizona for Abe to get in some mountain biking. And to be honest, the thought of warm sun and a pool at a nice hotel....I'm really in the mood for that. Looking forward to being with Peg for a long hike and Jim for a good workout. Three days of sun tanning and off to Paris we go.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Getting organised for two months of travel is tough!
Well fun times ahead. Since Abe told me we were heading to Paris for a month we have been in
constant motion. We have to find a place for Casey, the beloved Chow/Lab, to stay. She's headed to summer camp actually. She'll be living down valley in Naturita on a 3 acre spread where there are no cages. there will be tons of dogs to chum with and a nice place to curl up at night -- next to the owner's bed. How much better can it get. Abe and I have other things to attend to also -- he actually has to work! As soon as I knew we were heading out, work was dropped and tidying began, storing, sorting, tossing, preparing and dreaming.
It is going to be very strange to leave the tiny confines of this little box canyon which we call Telluride, and live in a city. I have been in a car about 7 times since arriving in town last October. We have no street lights, no noisy traffic, just gentle snows, sparkling streams, crisp days, blue skies and tourists. Now we will go and become tourists -- only we plan to fake it since we will ahve an apartment and a neighbourhood to call our own.
Of course since we are leaving Telluride for France and won't be back until we have been to Arizona for three days for Abe to ride his mountain bike, and then a return visit to Texas for two weeks and then Israel....how on eath do we begin to pack? That is the question that occupies my waking hours in the middle of the night. What do I pack....we need to be able to look chic but have comfortable feet, warm but not overdressed, spring but it could be hot, spring but it could be freezing, spring but it couldl be pouring rain. Lots to think about. Meanwhile Casey is curled up at my feet with no notion of being shipped out to summer camp with Lane Conrad and all the dogs of Naturita. I promise to come back and get you Casey.
I'm doing a big crash course in Ashtanga yoga too....I really got lazy about it this winter...too cold, too lazy to get up Friday mornings for the led class and too freaked out to go to Mysore. So, I have about a week to crash course and memorise the moves and get into the groove. . My promise to myself is to go to a studio in Paris and really whip myself into shape with the Ashtanga....it makes me feel better, calmer, and sleep better. I love losing myself in the repetitive movements of the vinyassa. So, now it is written in black and white......Ashtanga yogis in Paris watch out..... the newbie girl is coming to town.
constant motion. We have to find a place for Casey, the beloved Chow/Lab, to stay. She's headed to summer camp actually. She'll be living down valley in Naturita on a 3 acre spread where there are no cages. there will be tons of dogs to chum with and a nice place to curl up at night -- next to the owner's bed. How much better can it get. Abe and I have other things to attend to also -- he actually has to work! As soon as I knew we were heading out, work was dropped and tidying began, storing, sorting, tossing, preparing and dreaming.
It is going to be very strange to leave the tiny confines of this little box canyon which we call Telluride, and live in a city. I have been in a car about 7 times since arriving in town last October. We have no street lights, no noisy traffic, just gentle snows, sparkling streams, crisp days, blue skies and tourists. Now we will go and become tourists -- only we plan to fake it since we will ahve an apartment and a neighbourhood to call our own.
Of course since we are leaving Telluride for France and won't be back until we have been to Arizona for three days for Abe to ride his mountain bike, and then a return visit to Texas for two weeks and then Israel....how on eath do we begin to pack? That is the question that occupies my waking hours in the middle of the night. What do I pack....we need to be able to look chic but have comfortable feet, warm but not overdressed, spring but it could be hot, spring but it could be freezing, spring but it couldl be pouring rain. Lots to think about. Meanwhile Casey is curled up at my feet with no notion of being shipped out to summer camp with Lane Conrad and all the dogs of Naturita. I promise to come back and get you Casey.
I'm doing a big crash course in Ashtanga yoga too....I really got lazy about it this winter...too cold, too lazy to get up Friday mornings for the led class and too freaked out to go to Mysore. So, I have about a week to crash course and memorise the moves and get into the groove. . My promise to myself is to go to a studio in Paris and really whip myself into shape with the Ashtanga....it makes me feel better, calmer, and sleep better. I love losing myself in the repetitive movements of the vinyassa. So, now it is written in black and white......Ashtanga yogis in Paris watch out..... the newbie girl is coming to town.
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